Well it’s a week later than my last post…I’m not doing well.
The changes I made in my life are causing me significant stress. I could bitch and complain here, but it wouldn’t do much good. The bottom line is stress. There are always details that come and bite you in the ass when you move, and this was no exception. I’m so tired of it all I don’t even want to write about it. My new job will be good and will be satisfying, I believe, but the training program for it is so poor, and I’m being put into situations I’m not prepared for yet and left alone to fail at it over and over…with an audience each time. It sucks.
Eating has been so so. A few days ago I got back to eating something closer to paleo again, but between stress and time management problems (no routine yet) I’m eating lots of processed meat and it’s making me retain water and feel like crap. Money is tight right now so I’m not out buying grass fed beef and pastured eggs…I’m sure they’re around here, but I haven’t found them at an affordable price yet…and don’t have much time to look. Weight is stable.
I’ve been doing the BHRT throughout my move, and up to the present. I can’t tell if it’s helping. I know I have had a persistent and annoying whisker on my chin for the last 8 years or so, and now it’s gone. I guess that’s something. I still have PMS, though it’s limited to a day or two rather than random problems all month. I do want to keep it up, but I have to find a new doc now. My current prescription will run out in another 7 weeks or so.
I’ve been visiting Dr. Kruse’s site. I guess consults with him are now the cost of a laptop computer. You can have 1 hour with Dr K. or you can have a really nice iPad. He has priced himself out of my league. Health is for the rich. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me. But really…how much money does one guy need?
Ok, this is me putting one foot in front of the other. I seem to have forgotten how to do things.
Weight this AM: 185.6 (up a bit, probably retaining water before TOM).
FBG – forgot to take it. I’m lying, I didn’t forget. I didn’t bother. I ate some taro chips last night and new it was going to be over 100, so I didn’t deem that worth poking myself in the finger for.
Current struggle: small apartment so husband and I are together a lot more during our free time. Now I get to watching him snacking on things all the time and it makes me want to also. Must resist.
Also, moving was very expensive. It cost us thousands of dollars to move here, and we’re not rich. I cringe every time I buy organic vegetables or seafood or grass-fed beef. I’m glad I have easier access to that stuff now, but the price (which didn’t bother me before) is bothering me now. I still buy high quality food but it’s a financial strain at the moment. Not fun.
Gotta go. This too shall pass.
Weight today: 184.0
FBG – forgot to take it.
BAB this morning: Salmon sauteed in olive oil, with an olive oil and dill vinaigrette drizzled over it.
I kind of hate having no space of my own here yet, and not much time in the morning to write. I suppose I could change my routine and start writing later in the day when I have a little more time. I don’t like changing my routine. I’m kind of routinized.
I also have no time alone now. I’m with people 24 hours a day and I’m going to have to find a way to carve out some space for myself. I’m more concerned that my daughter has her mom right now though…she just started daycare, and while she seems to like it overall, she looks a little too relieved when we come to pick her up. Making sure she’s ok has to be my number one priority right now. I’m sure it’ll all work out. It’s only been a week.
Weight this AM: 184.4
Fasting blood glucose: 98
It was hard to turn down a piece of my favorite pie yesterday but I did it. It was a pivotal moment for me, and represented getting back on track. I know it’ll be easier going forward.
It’ll be easier (but a little more expensive) to eat healthfully here. I live within a mile or two of Trader Joes and Whole Foods now, and it’s not all frozen when I bring it home. Less planning involved.
I want to get back in the habit of reading Jack Kruse’s site. I’m behind on the blog and the forum, and I miss it! I’m finally getting around to having time to read again.
Things are looking up.
I hope, anyway.
I’ve moved and am now living in lovely California. New town, new people, new job, Babykins is now in day care, smaller home, less time alone….
It’s beautiful here – the people are great, there are health-conscious businesses surrounding me, and my new apartment’s floors don’t creak. It’s wonderful. This comes at the cost of losing access to people I love, though, and at the cost of some stress. Just having no routine to my day anymore is stressful. Where I used to wander through my morning, planning my day while blow-drying my hair, for example, or blogging while I ate my BAB, now I can’t even find my blowdryer and there’s no chair to sit on while I eat. Oh, and my computer died in transit. Over the last week we’ve acquired minimal furniture, and I’ve located the blowdryer. I’m using David’s computer. I cooked up some paleo food to have on hand and finally over the last 2 days I’ve returned to the BAB and paleo eating.
We moved in last Saturday and had a company party we felt obligated to attend that night. Then one day to unpack followed by 5 days of work. This weekend – yesterday and today – is the first time I’ve had enough sleep in the last 3 weeks.
It really is about getting back to basics:
- Getting enough sleep.
- No alcohol.
- Paleo diet.
On the plus side, my new apartment complex has a swimming pool – I measured the temp at 70 deg F a couple days ago, but that might have been unusual. If that’s fairly typical I could use the pool for CT sessions and swimming.
I’ve been using the BHRT hormones throughout this transition, and they’re definitely helping my mood.
Got on the scale this morning – 185.6. I’ve gained about 5 pounds during the move. Haven’t checked blood sugar yet.
Ok, I seem to have turned a corner on the depression. Last night I was able to get up and be productive. People keep asking if I’m excited about moving to California. I’ve tried various responses. I’ve tried honesty: “No, not yet. I’m too busy being sad about leaving people.” I’ve tried optimism: “I think I will be soon. I’m just too focused right now on what needs to be done.” I’ve tried outright lying: “Yes!” (<– not convincing when said with a shaky voice.) Bottom line is this – I’m not excited about moving. Right now it feels like a plan that is completely out of my control and that could take any number of bad turns. The best case scenario is that we love it out there and we do well at our jobs. The worst case is that we come back. That’s not so bad. I guess the real worst case is that we get buried in an earthquake. That might be bad. But unlikely.
Got my results from Life Line Screening. The testing they did indicate I am not terribly unehealthy in some respects. I do NOT appear to have lots of plaque buildup in my arteries, nor do I have atrial fibrillation, an aortic aneurysm, osteoporosis, or peripheral artery disease. Yay!
I did have a cavity filled at the dentist last week, however.
Lots of work left to do before leaving in 2 days.
I said goodbye to my friends yesterday. Leaving sucks. I don’t know anymore if this is the right thing to do. I’m depressed. I’m trying to get back on track with my eating, and I’m trying to keep moving forward with getting ready for our move. But all I want to do is sit here and do nothing.