Still here

Yep.  Still here.

Fasting blood sugar yesterday was 122.  Today was 120.  Weight: 193.8…I’ve gained 10 pounds since I moved to California.  10 pounds of stress-eating.  I’m moving in 2 weeks back to the midwest, and I’ll be working part time at most for a while.  I don’t much care about money these days…just about ending the stress.  I wish I would have learned to manage stress better when life was calm…now time is tight and I feel like I’m at the bottom of a big pile of bricks.  No freedom.  Trapped.

My daughter is over the pneumonia and has moved on to cold #32 since we moved here.  I have been having headaches this week…that’s unusual for me.  I blame all the alcohol I drink at night now to make life feel better.  I wish I was joking.

I’ve started taking D-Ribose powder, Magnesium, and CoQ10 Ubiquinol.  Various folks from the interwebs say its a good idea, so why not.  I seem to have no problem putting things in my mouth and it doesn’t take much time.

So something must be going well, right?  My relationships are good.  My daughter is thriving despite being sick all the time. My husband has a 3rd interview coming up with a company back home, so we may have an income when we get back.  Everyone is reasonably (outwardly) healthy.  I’m going to have labs done a couple months after getting home to see exactly what stress has done to me.  I feel like a train wreck.

I wonder why my HS-CRP has been so high?  It’s over 8.  That’s just flippin crazy.  Is my body doing something bad it shouldn’t be doing?  Guess I’ll find out.

Today my daughter approached me and said, “Momma…can you be happy?”

Guess I’ll find that out too.

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