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I’m back in the Midwest now.  Life is better. Stress still exists..particularly with regard to my marriage, which seems to be going through a difficult phase…but in all, I’m very happy to be back with my people.  My tribe.

Weight this morning: 197.2.  15 pounds gained while living with a great deal of stress in San Jose, CA.

NOTE TO SELF:  Stress = increased insulin.  When insulin is high, all extra calories are stored as fat. Awesome.  Never saw this happen so fast as I did in the last 2 months. I feel…not good.

Oh nos…what if it was all the EMFs in San Jose…I mean it was Silicon Valley, after all…aren’t there a lot of computers there???   Yes.  Yes, there are a lot of computers there.  In general though, people are slimmer and more fit there than here, in small town Illinois.  Without exercising.

YES, EMFs exist.  But do they, in the doses we encounter on a daily basis, hurt people??

I doubt it.

Fasting blood glucose today: 119.

None of this is good news.  In fact, it sucks.  It sucks a lot.

I’ve been home 2 weeks now and despite abstaining from alcohol and eating a ketogenic diet I’m not losing weight.

Jack Kruse is talking about tin foil hats and crop circles.  My guru for the past year seems to be abandoning ship.

Perhaps the “universe” (if there is such a force) is telling me that it’s stupid to have a guru.  Grow up, girl…(says the universe)…You get to say how this is going to go.  Stop listening to other people who seek to gain from your ignorance…what do you think there is to do here?

There is a certain amount of dogma hounding Kruse’s site, and others in the Paleo community, that suggests there’s one right diet for everyone…and that diet is high in fat, low in carbs.  But recent studies suggest that whether or not you are fat may have everything to do with the type of bacteria in your gut.  What if for SOME people, a low fat diet is the only way to lose weight?  What if conventional wisdom is correct??

Who the fuck knows. What I do know is this: When I did cardio and weight training I felt better.  I had more energy, my outlook was more positive, and I felt like living.  When I eat carbs I feel like crap – I’m hungry, I’m tired, and I’m cranky.  When I do no exercise and eat protein and fat I’m satiated physiologicially, but I’m not losing weight and my mood sucks.

Oh and another thing.  My hormones still suck.  Moods still not good.  Libido – sucky. I can’t tell if I’m any better than when I started.  I do know I’m financially poorer…..but not necessarily feeling better.  The Wiley Protocol has not yet panned out as being beneficial.  I contacted Dzugan’s folks yesterday.  They want $1900 to set my hormones straight…plus $35 a month.  Not ready to commit to that yet, thank you.

I’ve also been doing yoga. It feels like the right thing to do, and with a trial though Gaiam it’s free!

Welcome to my madhouse of crazy.  Hormonal and dietary mayhem.  Fuck everything.

By the way, I’m joining the Y on Monday.  I plan on exercising my way to feeling better.  If I die sooner, at least I’ll die looking and feeling good.

I wonder if the path to health isn’t through Jack Kruse, or through Paleo, but maybe is through my own intuition.  I know…intuition is woo…but if someone is going to be my guru, maybe it should be me.

At least I’m free.

2 thoughts on “Home

  1. welcome back. Looks like you had a rough time in Cali. Anyways thats over. If you check your ASI then you will see why you gained weight. It will probably show stage 3 adrenal fatigue or worse right about now. You should stick to long walks rather than weights in the short term. Maybe at some point in the past you were able to work out and feel better but I wouldnt advice it at this point. Take your baby to the park and walk and get some sun and destress. When the numbers look good you should be able to go back to HIIT.

    People lose weight all the time on a low fat diet. Its nothing new. They are unable to maintain it long term though otherwise we would not have obese people in the US would we now? And over time it screws up the hormones enough to make your life miserable. Do your best.

  2. Thanks for the tips. 🙂

    I know low fat isn’t sustainable, but this wasn’t sustainable for me either. I’m worse off now than I was when I started. I think for ME, diet probably has a lot less to do with health than stress management does. That’s where exercise comes in for me – yoga, cardio classes (gasp!), weights, maybe HIIT. Don’t know yet.

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