It’s 1:44AM. Having a hard time sleeping because of all the GI distress currently going on in me. Sounds like thunderclouds in there. Let’s list the possible culprits:
1. On the advice of a commenter, I had 2T of unfiltered apple cider vinegar before and also after breakfast. It made me feel all heart-burny and not very good.
2. Had probiotic AFTER eating breakfast today, instead of before. But seriously, that was like 19 hours ago. Wouldn’t any effect from that be done by now?
3. I ate a couple of red potatoes out of the fridge with salt but no butter. Less digestible, according to Peat, than eating them with fat.
4. Ate a bunch of gluten free pretzels. Gluten free junk food, really. But I’ve done this before and didn’t feel this way.
It was 7:00PM this evening and my blood sugar was 200. Went for a bike ride, despite massive bloating, to bring it down. Half hour later it was down to 123. Success.
I’ve been thinking about a comment made on yesterday’s post. Something along the lines of, “Maybe stop obsessing and things will right themselves.” (<– only said better than this.) I mused on that during my bike ride and while lying in bed tonight unable to sleep because of all the commotion in my gut. Maybe I should just stop worrying about it, get on metformin, get on blood pressure meds, buy some fat girl clothes and get on with my life, right? Think of all the time I’d have. I wouldn’t be on Facebook learning about what Ray Peat has to say about X. I wouldn’t be writing this now instead of trying to sleep. I wouldn’t have spent $12 on Paul Jaminet’s book. So why do I keep doing this? Is it just the quest for the truth about health? Is there even any chance I can be healthy again?
One thing I get out of this is folks to talk to. Since moving 3 times in one year in 2012-13, to three different states, I don’t have real friends anymore. I’ve left all of them. I have people I swing by and see when I’m in town, or whom I text on their birthday, but I don’t have friends anymore. Trying to figure out my health gives me a community of sorts – not a real community or anything, but people to talk to about stuff.
Crap…I think the gastro distress is raising serotonin and making me morbid.
Or maybe I’m sad for real.
Things just seem really hard right now. My enjoyment of life seems to be chronically low.
I feel like I need help.