A Vow

One thing I’ve come to accept is this: If I ever manage to pull out of this depression and heal myself enough to feel happiness on a daily basis, I will NEVER. EVER. AGAIN. eat starchy foods.  How many times now have I tried to kill the Beast only to have it grow back – stronger than before – when I started eating starch again.  I beat it back with garlic in 2014.  I beat it back with oregano oil and herbal voodoo in 2015.  I’m trying to do the same now with Biocidin.  I’m facing weeks of depression right now for eating starchy foods a little while ago.  I don’t ever want to go through this again.

My relationships are suffering because of my mood.  I’m suffering.  At work sometimes I just start crying and hold my sweaty fucking head in my hands because I can’t effectively write reports or go talk to people.  Social anxiety is high.  Mood is low.  My brain still doesn’t work right.  I know all there is to do at this point is to kill it and not allow it to regrow.  Ever.

Enough of my life has been lost to this mess.

Still in it.  Hoping to see the light soon.

3 thoughts on “A Vow

  1. Never say never. I think starches can be reintroduced once your leaky gut and dysbiosis are fixed, although that might a long time.

  2. Lanie, can you drink milk without problems? It’s more simple than starches, but doesn’t have the fructose that promotes candida. If yes, might be your goto carb until your adenals get better.

  3. I feel your pain Lanie….I keep trying to add starches back on a regular basis too, in the interest of variety and deliciousness. One day seems fine, sometimes even two days in a row is okay. Somehow I suddenly I think I must be cured…..and then it hits me like a ton of bricks.

    While I no longer get the overt gut distress, eating starches (or too much fiber from beans) does affect my immune system from the massive overfeeding of some microbe which my body must view as the enemy. It’s a delayed response, but my brain, skin and eventually my mood get caught in the crossfire.

    The delayed response tells me that this occurs way down low in my colon and I never have this reaction from OJ and honey which are absorbed up much higher in the gut….I suspect that when my guts were at their very worst I had a wicked combination of SIBO and other upper gut infections/parasites which have been resolved and that’s why I can tolerate simpler carbs just fine.

    Like you, certain fibers and/or too much undigested starch eaten too many days in a row can set off a massive inflammatory response which affects my immune system. If it’s profound, I’ll even get a cold sore.

    I desperately want to be able to eat potatoes and beans on a regular basis, I love them dearly. Tasty, full of good nutrition and so satisfying….but they don’t seem to love me as much as I love them.

    How do the starch based McDougallers do it? Or peeps like Guyenet and the Jaminets?

    I agree with SWOT though, never say never…..I just have NO idea how long it will take.

    Or it’s possible that I’m an utter fool for even considering them as a staple in my diet.

    Please keep us posted on the Biocidin, that’s one I’ve never tried.

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