I’ve decided to stop allowing the world to influence me so much. I’m sure everyone is right about everything – fat kills, carbs kill, PUFA kills, meat kills, eggs are inflammatory, lactic acid is inflammatory, sugar is inflammatory, fish oil is inflammatory, fish oil prevents heart disease, statins prevent heart disease, coconut oil prevents heart disease, oregano oil saves the world, thyroid hormone saves the world, vagus nerve training saves the world, turpentine saves the world, methyl b12 saves the world….I could go on of course. There’s no truth. Maybe the world is conspiring to keep us confused. Or maybe none of this is actually the answer for me. Maybe the answer is inside rather than outside. Maybe it’s time to dial down the volume on all the voices and instead channel the wisdom that speaks from within.
I wouldn’t call myself religious in any sense…spiritual? Maybe…not sure that fits either. I do know I have had flashes of something miraculous or divine at certain times of my life – moments that were so compellingly different that they altered the course of my life. It was because of synchronicities that I’ve made a lot of my biggest decisions, stepped out of the inertia of the day to day.
I’ve decided to give up control of my health and find my way by asking for it and following divine guidance. I’m serious. I’m done driving this car.
Yesterday I asked the universe for help. Some people would call that praying I guess but it was really more like out-loud ranting in my car. Within minutes my rant was answered – a friend emailed me…and this email led to a conversation that opened my eyes and made me realize what I need to do – to quiet my world and go within. To stop listening to everyone and assuming everyone else has the answer. I’ve now spent 4 and a half years formally documenting my struggle. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on doctors, labs, supplements, and medications. I’ve spent countless hours depressed and anxious, and fleeting moments happy and free. This isn’t the right path.
I’m not done writing, but things around here will be changing. Science will be taking a back seat.
No more doctors.
No more experiments with supplements that give me heart palpitations and headaches or create situations where I might accidentally chase parasites to live in my lungs.
No more diets.
No more guilt and shame – am I doing the right thing? am I doing it right? How could I possibly expect to be healthy without eating vegetables? How could you eat so much meat? You have to stop eating fat! You have to stop eating carbs! You have to stop eating insulinogenic carbs! You have to stop being fat! You have to stop being however you are! Be something else! Be more beautiful! Be more confident! Eat our crappy food! Take our ridiculously overpriced supplement!
Fuck all of it.