Three days ago I took 5 drops of Turpentine on a sugar cube.  A few hours later I took some activated charcoal to help with detoxification of any killed organisms.  A few hours after that I started having heart palpitations.  3 days later, I’m still having them.

I’ve become disillusioned with this process.  I’m tired of getting nowhere, of having so little to show for my efforts, my discomfort, my financial expense.  I have thrown out the rest of the Humaworm, the Turpentine, and about 50 other supplements sitting in my supplement grave yard.  I threw out all prescription meds that had piled up – Armour, Hydrocorisone, Metformin – and I’ve kept only my hypertension meds.  I hope to get rid of them too, but they’re doing something I need so they can stay for now.  I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for Friday, which I’ll keep in order to renew those scripts, but other than that I’m done. Done with docs, done with silly expensive supplement protocols.  Done with paying people to help fix my health.

I’ve been decluttering the house.  The supplements, my daughter’s room, my closet.  I told my CSA farmer to donate the rest of my summer share.  I can’t eat vegetables and my family won’t eat most of them.  Don’t need to clutter the house with squash anymore. I love when the family leaves the house so I can sneak more crap into donation bags.

I continue to have hot flashes that take my breath away.  They’re way more than just getting warm.  They make me feel like I’m suffocating and angry.  They make me sweat embarrassingly.  All I can do is grit my teeth and get through it.

I feel like shit every day.

Does anyone still read this?


19 thoughts on “Truth

  1. Yes, someone still reads this. I read and struggle with you. My issues are different, but I do have a love/hate relationship with my gut and food. It took me over twenty years and multiple doctors before I had one finally tell me “you know this is not all in your head” and ordered a colonoscopy and in my early 40s I finally was diagnosed with IBS-D. I have learned, with trial and error, what my triggers are and 90% avoid them. When I do “lapse” I too suffer as you do. I have learned though to accept, like another serious diagnosis I have, this is up to me to manage and make peace with. Do I struggle? Yes. Has it gotten easier? Everyday is different, so ask me tomorrow.

    But yes, someone still reads this.

  2. Yes, I read your posts faithfully. Hoping you find some peace and relief. I, myself, went through many years of misery, constantly doing research, experimentation, trying new diets, new supplements, paying for lab tests because my doctors refused to order them. My doctor kept patting me on the head and telling me I was just fine while I struggled with hot flashes, weight gain, skin rashes, fevers, facial paralysis, constantly alternating between diarrhea and constipation, fatigue, edema, depression. I knew for sure it was not all in my head and I felt like punching the doctor who said it was.

    For me, Ray Peat was the answer. And it was not a quick fix. I did get some fairly immediate relief in some areas, so I knew I was on the right track. (Major reduction in food sensitivities to things like dairy.) But I had a lot of healing to do and some things got worse before they got better. It was really only about a year in, once I started taking thyroid and progesterone and pregnenolone that I really started making progress, particularly with my gut health.

    Even now, I am not bulletproof. But being in my 60s and seeing my friends starting to degenerate badly, I feel very blessed by comparison. Very few problems with edema, no muscle or joint pain, good mood most of the time.

    High-fiber foods, be they starches, fruit, veggies will increase my serotonin and cause irritability, anxiety, diarrhea, etc. But my threshold has definitely increased with this. Now I can get away with having one meal, like chili, with no symptoms. Two, pretty much OK. Three or more, I am asking for trouble and not surprised when it crops up. But in the beginning, I was like you, where even a single serving affected me very badly. I would feel enraged and incredibly hostile. I am surprised my marriage survived! My husband banned barley from my house after one particularly horrible episode.

    Now I am light-years from that person. I will feel somewhat irritable and hypercritical and now I recognize the symptoms immediately and know it’s much more to do with me than the people that irritate me. I try to just lay low and stay out of everyone’s way until I am back to myself and eat a low fiber diet in the meantime!

    I am not 100% Peaty. I do eat starches now that my body tolerates them better. I try to eat mostly whole foods and avoid the highly processed ones because they cause blood sugar issues and weight gain. I eat potatoes, butternut squash, summer squash, white rice, masa harina tortillas and tamales, corn, and beans. ( I have to be careful with beans, they can still raise havoc unless I eat them only on occasion. I do best with well cooked, mashed ones like refried beans.)

    I am grateful every day that I finally found my answer after about 13 years of searching. I hope you will find yours too!

  3. Yup… still along for the ride. Wish you could drag your sick, tired hiney to Michigan to meet with my old, gnarly, Yale trained naturopathic MD/Phd. She’s a biochemist researcher, former pathologist and certified wizard. She keeps a low profile. She specializes in neurotransmitter issues and Lyme disease. I wasted time and thousands on 6 other docs. Finally, I’m almost back to normal and feeling really good. Chronic illness is an indescribable living nightmare.

  4. @Cathy – You probably don’t know this but I really look up to you. Peaty living definitely feels best to me. I stopped it because my labs sucked and I was tired of being fat. I do find myself back to it now though because it’s the only stuff I can eat and feel ok. Thanks for being here.

  5. @Susie – How awesome that you’ve found someone to guide you. I’m really happy for you. Does your doc have a website? I’m curious about her. Thanks for sticking with me.

  6. Yes, I read your posts and so wish I could do something to help. I’m slowly figuring my issues out but who knows if I’ll ever be back to 100%. My daughter suffers from mood swings as well. She can go from sweet and laid back one moment to cranky and not fun to be around in the blink of an eye. And then she feels so bad about being that way. I wish so bad I could help her but I’ve come to realize through the years that she cannot help herself. I think it’s brought on by anxiety but who knows. I’m rambling, sorry. Have you thought about having the 23 and me test on your genes done? It might give you an idea about any areas in your methylation that need support. Just know you are not alone. There are many of us trying to heal ourselves. I’m taking one day at a time and trying to accept my overweight self as I am and not be too hard on myself. Hang in there! You’re worth it!

  7. Yes, I still read too, Lanie….but you already know my story and like Cathy B, Peat is ultimately The Answer for me as well.

    I know you said that you don’t think Peat is right about serotonin and I’m certainly not smart enough to engage in any kind of dialogue as to why he is or isn’t correct.

    But in all my crazy shenanigans (personal experimentation), I have not been able to prove him wrong yet. In fact, the more I consistently apply his ideas, the healthier I become….go figure.

    Peat says it takes 4 years to deplete the stored toxic PUFA once it is removed from the diet, so it definitely isn’t a quick fix.

    I hope you find what works for you….XOXO

  8. Yes! Yes…I do. I read it and celebrate with you on those occasional occasions but mostly just admire your grit and perseverance. As the spouse to a chronically-ill individual who nobody seems to be able to diagnose, I take some small comfort in knowing we’re not alone, and watch for results of the things you do/tests you take and wonder if we should try them. I think going back to zero…decluttering is exactly the best next step. We who read do wish you well…

  9. Yes! Still reading! Hoping you’ll get the answers you need. Sometimes it’s good to take a break and give your body a rest. Good luck. I’m hoping one day I’ll be reading a post about how you have healed yourself.

  10. Yes I read and I think you are brave sharing your innermost thoughts with us. Think of us as your Balcony People, as we are cheering you on during your successes and failures. In order to succeed you have to make mistakes, learn from them and keep taking one more step. Getting a new revelation is a good thing. As you take your Praise Break, thank God that you are still here and willing to K.O.K.O. (keep on keeping on)

  11. Christe. I have had the 23 and Me test done – it’s been somewhat helpful regarding methylation supplementation needs, but I’m not really sure what to do with most of that info. Thanks for hanging in here with me – all the best to you and your daughter. It’s so hard to watch your child struggle.

  12. Did you upload your 23andme raw data to Genetic Genie and also to the Sterling App on the site, to produce both reports? The genetic genie gives you the short list ID of only those snps that are recognized as the ones that you can positively impact through nutrition and supplementation (nutrigenomic). You may already know all of this…. The Sterling report is much more complete, but will also include snp reports that we can’t do much about. I found it helpful for knowing my big picture, for researching.
    I can attest to the fact that although optimizing my methylation reduced the severity of some of my symptoms, I never felt truly normal and well until my cluster of Lyme infections were identified and deactivated. I had a total of 7 hidden infections, which triggered autoimmunity. The immune system can truly become an unrelenting beast when provoked! It took targeted lyme treatment, methylation/nutritional optimization and weekly detox treatments to kill, flush and rebalance me. It took forever to unravel, but worked…. Finally!
    (Keep in mind, standard Lyme serum screens have a less than 50% accuracy rate. Go on Amazon video, get a free week trial, where you will find a very important and informative documentary called “Under Our Skin”-part 1 and 2. Watch that and you will understand why Lyme is so often overlooked and mistreated by standard docs.)

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