I have been meditating for several weeks, about 15 minutes each morning.  I’ve been following the general recommendations – to sit, follow your breath, and when thoughts arise gently acknowledge them but return to focusing on the breath.  After a weekend of watching Kyle Cease videos I’ve changed how I’m doing this.

Kyle Cease is an amazing combination of stand up comedian meets Tony Robbins.  Transformation presented with humor.  He recommends sitting for much longer periods of time (like, 1-2 hours) and when your thoughts come up, they’re not something to be resisted. Resisting them is like telling yourself you’re doing something wrong, which is why people probably hate meditation.  Kyle says the first 10-15 minutes of meditation are going to be chaos – your brain spewing a bunch of thoughts and ideas, but that it will quiet down after that.  But most people only meditate for 10-15 minutes so they don’t get to that place.

Today I meditated for 30 minutes – just sitting quietly, accepting whatever came up.  If some thoughts came up I would follow them a bit, send them love, and then continue to see what comes up.  He was right – after about 20 minutes my mind quieted down.  I felt like I could have done another half hour.  Maybe an hour tomorrow.

A New Direction

I took a pretty long break from this blog, in part to determine what I really want to do with it. I’ve loved writing here and communicating with others on the health-seeking path, and it’s made me feel proud of certain things about myself – my love of science and data, my aptitudes for writing and problem-solving.  The only problem was that I wasn’t having a lot of success as a result of endless supplements, dietary changes, lab draws and analysis.  It was a lot of work and not much payoff.  I started this almost 6 years ago with some extra weight, high cholesterol, some depression and some fatigue.  I now have an autoimmune condition, high blood pressure, and I still have the high cholesterol and the extra weight.

I did have a health breakthrough this year, which resulted directly from the words of a dear commenter on this blog, Christe, who suggested I try Culturelle Probiotics to address histamine intolerance.  I tried it and after the first dose I could feel a difference in my mood.  To this day I take Culturelle (aka L. Rhamnosus GG) – twice a day is better than once a day – and as long as I do, my mood is pretty great.  Fatigue gone.  Depression gone.  For this I’ll always be grateful.

I never shared here what I did just prior to that breakthrough.  I wrote on a piece of paper, “I am committed to feeling amazing every day.” I put it on my wall at work, where I would see it whenever I looked away from my computer.  Less than a month later I started taking Culturelle and feeling amazing every day.  After decades of struggling with depression and agitation.

Coincidence?  I thought so at first, but I’ve since been drawn into YouTube videos (audios, actually) created by Esther hicks and Abraham on the topic of the Law of Attraction (LOA) – the universal law that says like attracts like: You attract what you focus upon.  With this blog I’ve spent a lot of time focused on disease.  And disease has persisted – even worsened – with this attention.  So I’m done with that.

(Here’s a pretty good intro to the Abraham-Hicks teachings.)

Instead I’m focusing on what I do want.  I want health, vitality, fun, adventure, freedom, love, community, purpose.  I want to help others find these things too.  I’ve been meditating – the easiest way to align with your “inner being”, according to Abraham-Hicks, and have started attracting into my life things I want.  I’ve stopped working so hard at everything (though I’m still spending too much time on my 2 jobs).  My inner-conversation is changing from one in which I’m someone that needs fixing to one in which I’m choosing what I want in life.

I’m asking myself questions I haven’t dared to explore in a long time:  What do I really want?  What do I really want to be experiencing?  Sure, we all want money, but if I had it what would I use it for?  What am I hoping to experience?  I’ve always prided myself on being a “realist” – as if being less cheerful and optimistic was somehow a badge of honor – a way to avoid disappointment or brace myself for a let-down.  I’m done with that too.  I now choose to care less about reality and more about possibility.

I’ve started exploring photography again – a former love before my spirit was crushed by criticism.  I’m stronger now.  I’ve stopped following health groups on Facebook and listening to health podcasts.  I’m focusing solely on what feels better….what feels better…what feels better.  When I forget I bring myself back as soon as I can.

I’ll probably continue to explore this new direction here on this blog.  I expect I’ll lose some followers and gain others.  That’s all ok.  Really, everything is ok.