Frustrated

I noticed in the last couple weeks I catch myself saying “Fuck it.”  and just eating even though it’s not meal time.  It’s always in keeping with ketogenic Paleo, but twice in the last week I’ve been hungry/hypoglycemia outside mealtimes and ate a snack anyway, whereas a couple months ago I would have white knuckled it until the next meal.  I just hate being hungry.  I’m not sure if the hunger/hypoglycemia has gotten worse or if my tolerance for it has gotten worse.

It pisses me off that I’m experiencing hunger almost every day and yet I’m not losing weight.  I never eat till full – always just till satisfied, and I’m always hungry before meals (except, ironically, before breakfast, the most humongous meal of the day).  I just don’t understand why I’m not losing weight.  I am not going to count calories.  When I count and restrict calories it smacks of the conventional wisdom of dieting which has NEVER worked for me long-term, and which makes me feel terrible about myself – as if I need to pay for my imperfection by being hungry.  Fuck that.  It doesn’t make sense to me.

All of this makes me wonder if I’m missing something.  Maybe I’m eating something that I’m intolerant to…?  Some people have to give up coconut oil completely to end a stall. Maybe I should try that.

I know Dr. K. says it can take “longer” when you have hormonal issues, whatever the hell that means.  So ok…maybe I have hormonal issues.  But which hormones are having issues?  I’ve suspected cortisol, and I definitely have a body shape that suggests cortisol is an issue (excess fat around the middle).  I have some of the symptoms of adrenal fatigue (like needing caffeine to get through the day, fatigue) but I don’t have others (like problems sleeping, difficulty getting up in the morning, slow recovery from illness, frequent illness).  Plus my cortisol labs looked relatively normal – no shortage of cortisol in the AM, which can be a major sign of adrenal fatigue.

I don’t know what my sex hormones look like because I was taking DHEA during my last set of labs, which I think screwed things up.  Maybe in another month or so I’ll get another hormone panel done.

In the interest of trying one thing at a time to isolate variables, I’m going to avoid the coconut for a week or so.  This should be easy as I’ll be out of town at a conference starting on May 24th, and coconut oil won’t be easily accessible.  We’ll see if that makes any difference.

Just now I was crying out of frustration, and also because I’m not feeling much energy today and my 2-year old daughter wants to play.  Just general frustration.  My daughter saw me with tears on my face and asked me if I wanted a blankie.  I said yes.  She brought me one.  I love that child.

ETA:  CB #21 yesterday.  30 minutes at 64 deg F.  Definitely like it colder than that in the water, but it made me feel nice and cool for the rest of the 93 degree day.